


Star Force Episode #405 - Holiday Spirits

by LicieOIC



Series: Star Force [5]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), Star Force - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Once Upon a Time Fusion, Christmas, Christmas Party, Christmas Special, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Gift Exchange, Holidays, Multi, Once Upon A Time In Space, Screenplay/Script Format, Script for a Fictional Show, Show within a Show, Star Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 08:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5369321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LicieOIC/pseuds/LicieOIC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morale is at an all-time low since it's winter back home and that means the crew of the Aurora Borealis is missing out on holidays with their families for the fourth year in a row. Officer Hunter (Graham Humbert) thinks he has the perfect idea to boost everyone's spirits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Force Episode #405 - Holiday Spirits

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Friendships and Fandoms](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5053462) by [WorryinglyInnocent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorryinglyInnocent/pseuds/WorryinglyInnocent). 



> If this is the first episode you are reading, you should know that this was inspired by WorryinglyInnocent's fic, "Friendships and Fandoms," which takes place on the set of the TV series "Star Force." Characters from Once Upon A Time filming a sci-fi show, her fic is the actors' story and you should DEFINITELY read it to avoid getting seriously confused by this script/fic.
> 
> If you would like to download this story in true screenplay format (the way the "actors" would have seen it!), click here:  
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1N1n3TLKrdjcGwrfY7CO-JxhKdwRwvXyOuLFvd0q8VFc/edit?usp=sharing

 Ep. #: 405

STAR  
FORCE

“Holiday Spirits”  


Written by  
LicieOIC

Directed by  
Cara Mallory

Created by  
WorringlyInnocent

 

* * *

SET LIST

INTERIORS

_AURORA BOREALIS_ -

  * INT. HOLODECK - DAY

  * INT. BRIDGE - DAY

  * INT. ENGINEERING - DAY

  * INT. OBSERVATION DECK - DAY

  * INT. MESS HALL - DAY

  * INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

  * INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

  * INT. MESS HALL BATHROOM - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

  * INT. DIM BATHROOM - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

  * INT. CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

  * INT. MESS HALL KITCHEN - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

  * INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT

  * INT. GREENIE’S QUARTERS - NIGHT

  * INT. MED BAY - NIGHT

  * INT. STILTSKIN’S QUARTERS - NIGHT

  * INT. SNOW’S QUARTERS - NIGHT




 

EXTERIORS

EXT. THE ENCHANTED FOREST - DAY

 

* * *

CAST LIST

Captain Hook - Killian Jones  
Commander Leyah - Emma Swan  
Lieutenant Charming - David Nolan  
Officer Snow - Mary Margaret Blanchard  
Dr Stiltskin - Rum Gold  
Miss Greenie - Zelena West  
Lieutenant Knight - Lance Camelot  
Officer Hunter - Graham Humbert  
Officer Arendelle - Elsa Snow  
Officer Tink - Tina Bell  
Chief Engineer Gus - Billy Mouse  
Engineer Walsh - Frank Emerald  
Engineer Thomas - Sean Herman  
Henry - Henry Swan  
Remy - Pierre La Souris  
Nova - Astrid Star  
Redheaded Woman - Anna Snow

 

* * *

STAR FORCE

#405

“Holiday Spirits”

 

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. THE ENCHANTED FOREST - DAY

We open on a bright blue sunny sky and the music trills, playing the grand, sweeping, epic intro to a musical’s opening number. The title card, “Star Force,” appears on the screen in looping gold cursive and chirping bluebirds fly through the shot. The rest of the opening credits play throughout this happy opening sequence. It’s a very different opening than the Star Force audience has come to expect, they may even think it’s not the right show for a moment.

 

The camera pans down. In the distance, on a hill, a shining castle sits. We move down further to reveal a sprawling little town surrounded by dense forest. People are bustling through, going about their business, everyone is cheerful and happy.

The camera finishes its pan on the front door to a little house, which opens to reveal LEYAH in fairytale land attire. HENRY appears a moment later, similarly attired. She hands him an apple and kisses the top of his head before waving him off to school. They both seem happy and content.

The camera moves next door, which happens to be a dressmaker’s shop, and we peer through the window. ARENDELLE is observing the wedding dress fitting of a REDHEADED WOMAN with her hair in two braids. Arendelle appears to be offering suggestions to the modiste, who happens to be MISS GREENIE, and all three women appear excited over the coming nuptials.

The camera pans back as TINK and NOVA exit the shop, their arms full of purchases, baskets hanging from their elbows. They talk to each other and laugh as they walk, the camera follows them down the street.

The camera stops as the two women move past the tavern. Looking through the tavern window, we see HOOK, GUS, and THOMAS sitting at a table together. Hook, dressed like a fairytale pirate, appears to be telling an amusing story as all three of them drink and laugh. WALSH is behind the bar. He puts three more drinks on a tray, which he hands off to CHISTERY, who flies them over to the table and offers his little hat for a tip.

The camera then moves with KNIGHT and HUNTER as they move past the tavern on horseback, dressed in chainmail and looking very handsome and chivalrous.

As the music builds, the camera continues down the street and across a small bridge spanning a stream to a little cottage on a hill. A window opens and two hands set a steaming pie on the sill to cool. A ribbon of pie crust on top spells out ‘Charming.’ A moment later the front door opens to reveal SNOW with a broom in her hand. She is dressed simply, but beautifully, in all white and overall looking far too clean for the presumed time period.

She gives a happy little sigh as she gazes out at the happy little town and begins to sweep the front steps. Then she notices a small lizard on the stoop. It has glittery gold scales and eyes that look suspiciously like Stiltskin’s.

SNOW  
Oh, hello there, little friend!

She bends down and holds out her hand. The lizard climbs on it like it’s normal and she lifts him up. He flicks his tongue at her. She leans in as if listening.

SNOW (CONT)  
What’s that you say?

Yep, Snow is talking to the lizard. Apparently, he asked about the flavor of her pie because she answers a second later:

SNOW (CONT)  
It’s a gooseberry pie. James’ favorite.  
He should be here any minute.

A horse nearby whinnies, gaining her attention. The music swells and we jump cut to a hill across the small stream. Upon the hill, CHARMING sits astride a pure white space unicorn, its mane flowing majestically in the wind. Charming, dressed in a princely red outfit, smiles like a toothpaste commercial at Snow.

CHARMING  
Did I hear someone say ‘pie’?

The lizard leaps off of Snow’s hand, as if sensing that Snow is going to forget she’s holding him. Which she appears to as she runs toward Charming, also dropping the broom.

SNOW  
James!

Charming canters toward her, the unicorn splashes through the crystal clear water of the stream, and he dismounts in time to catch Snow in his arms. They join hands as the music finishes its VERY long intro and together they sing:

SNOW AND CHARMING  
(singing)  
It’s a wonderful day for pie…!

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), the door ‘alert’ sound breaks through the number. Surprisingly, it is Charming, and not Snow, who breaks character and sighs in disappointment.

CHARMING  
Holodeck, end program Charming S-12.

FADE TO:

INT. HOLODECK - DAY

The entire scene fades, leaving us in the plain gridded area that is the Aurora’s holodeck. The whole thing was not real. Even Charming’s clothing had been a hologram, as he is back in his standard command red uniform.

Quite disappointed that he had to quit the program, Charming moves to the now visible doorway and presses the panel next to it, letting the door whizz open. Leyah is standing there (in uniform).

LEYAH  
Hey. Captain’s called us to the bridge.  
You weren’t answering your comm, so…

She looks past him, into the holodeck, as if hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever program he’d been running. But of course, all she sees is the grid.

CHARMING  
Yeah, sorry, I had it turned off.  
Thanks for coming to get me.

LEYAH  
No problem.  
(beat)  
Did I hear… singing? A minute ago?

CHARMING  
(innocent)  
No.

She doesn’t quite buy it, but she lets it go.

LEYAH  
Huh.  
(beat)  
Alright.

As she turns to lead the way, Charming hides his look of relief behind her back.

FADE TO BLACK.

 

FADE IN:

INT. BRIDGE - DAY

The camera slowly pans across the faces of the entire main crew as they all stand in a line on the bridge. A military-like soundtrack is playing, something with a marching drumkit. Most of them look confused as to what’s going on, Greenie is bored, STILTSKIN looks suspicious, and Chistery is playing with Walsh’s hair while perched on his shoulder. Hook looks bewildered as to why he is standing in the line and not giving the speeches, but he doesn’t interrupt Hunter who is a man on a mission.

HUNTER (V.O.)  
We’ve all heard the report from Force Base,  
we’ve all been noting the date, and morale is  
at an all time low. Frustrations are so high, we  
haven’t gone a single day without some kind of  
nonsense. I’ve heard the arguments down in  
Engineering, guys, and I know you weren’t  
really upset over the placement of the spare  
cables, Gus.

The camera has reached Gus by this point and he rubs the back of his neck in remembered embarrassment over his snappish behavior. The camera continues to pan down the line.

HUNTER (V.O.) (CONT)  
None of the fights we’ve been having are really  
about the things we’ve been fighting over.  
I’ll tell you what it’s really about. It’s winter  
again at home and we all know what that means.

The camera finishes it’s pan of the main cast and we:

JUMP CUT TO:

Close on Hunter who swings around and looks dramatically at the camera.

HUNTER (CONT)  
Holidays.

He tugs a Santa hat on his head, but not just any Santa hat. He obviously wouldn’t have been able to get ahold of a real one, so it is poorly made out of tape and red paper. The military music switches to jaunty holiday music with sleigh bells in it.

HUNTER (CONT)  
For the fourth year in a row, we don’t get to  
see our families on the holidays and it sucks.  
But there’s not much we can do about it, so  
the frustrations have hit the ceiling. What we  
need is something to take our minds off of  
the negative and accentuate the positive.

HOOK  
And I presume you’ve gathered us all here  
because you have a plan?

HUNTER  
Indeed I do!

He holds up another crappy paper Santa hat and shakes it. A number of folded up pieces of paper rattle around inside.

HUNTER (CONT)  
Gift exchange!

Everyone groans.

HUNTER (CONT)  
Oh, come on, it’ll be fun.

STILTSKIN  
‘Fun’ is not the word I’d use.

LEYAH  
I don’t know about this, Hunter. I mean, it’s  
not like we can go shopping for someone  
out here.

HOOK  
The priority is getting back home, not  
stopping off at the nearest planet with a  
convenient strip mall.

HUNTER  
I know, I know, that’s why it’s a _White Elephant_  
gift exchange. Whatever you give has to be  
made yourself, or it could be something you  
found on one of the away missions, or  
something you brought with you from the  
Base originally and don’t need anymore.  
As long as it’s only  gently used.

A pause. They look at one another, still unsure about this. Hunter is relentless and holds up the hat with the names, daring anyone to tell him no.

HUNTER (CONT)  
Come on. Who’ll choose first?

Miss Greenie breezes forward. If they’re doing this, she’s not going to risk someone ELSE getting Stiltskin before she has a chance.

GREENIE  
I will!

She rubs her hands together, then reaches into the hat, rummaging around until she finds a good one.

GREENIE (CONT)  
(to herself)  
Come on, Stiltskin…

But she unfolds her piece of paper to see Hook’s name written on it.

GREENIE (CONT)  
Ugh!

She rolls her eyes and stomps off the bridge, as disgusted with the game as she was enthusiastic about it a moment ago. Leyah breaks the reluctant hesitation of the rest of the group and steps up next. One by one, they all choose a name, including Hunter, who smiles.

HUNTER  
There, see? Practically painless.

They all look to see who they got. Walsh looks over the moon.

WALSH  
Maybe this won’t be so bad. Look, Chis!

He shows the paper to Chistery. The monkey trills at the paper, grabs it, and flies off the bridge with it. Because what else would he do with a small piece of paper? It’s obviously new lining for his nest. Thanks, wifey, he’ll cherish it always.

WALSH  
Hey!

He chases Chistery off the bridge, followed by the rest of the Engineering crew.

Snow and Charming have gotten each other and they share a quick private look of happiness. The rest of the crew ignore anything they see. By now they get that Snow and Charming belong together and are a bit protective of their ‘secret’ relationship.

Hook unfolds his piece of paper and lifts his eyebrows happily. He leans over toward Leyah, who hides her paper from him and looks at him askance.

HOOK  
Just out of curiosity… What size lingerie  
do you wear?

Leyah rolls her eyes and lets the comment roll off her back as she’s become fairly used to Hook’s sexual advances by now. She folds up her own paper and says, nonchalant:

LEYAH  
Never bother with that stuff. The uniform  
looks so much better without pantylines.

Hook blinks and is shocked. Leyah just beat him at his own game. As she heads for the door, he follows her.

HOOK  
Yeah, but hypothetically…

LEYAH  
How do you even HAVE lingerie? Did you  
bring it with you from the base? Because  
I don’t think we’re the same size.

HOOK  
Oh, come on!

The two of them exit. Tink is frowning at her paper, which has Stiltskin’s name on it.

TINK  
I don’t know a whole lot about my  
giftee… or even what they celebrate…

HUNTER  
Now’s your chance to find out.

She accepts that with a nod and appears thoughtful, as do the rest of them. They may have been on the same ship for the last 4 years, but what do they really know about each other? They all begin to wander back to their posts.

One thing is certain. Hunter’s plan has definitely moved their thought processes in a different direction, so he counts it as a win. Let’s just hope none of this goes horribly wrong.

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF ACT ONE

  


ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT. ENGINEERING - DAY

Walsh is bent over looking into the bolt hole where Chistery has set up his nest. Various items have found their way into the nest, including Tink’s previously missing vibrator, the latest is the piece of paper with Greenie’s name on it. He straightens and sighs.

WALSH  
Well, I guess I don’t need the paper. I  
doubt anyone will challenge if I got  
Miss Greenie or not.

THOMAS  
No, I think we’d all agree you’re  
welcome to her.

Walsh doesn’t respond to that, but appears disappointed that it’s probably not going to happen. They turn to see Gus with a futuristic blow torch, welding pieces of metal together in an alcove of the Engineering Bay.

WALSH  
What’s all this?

Gus pauses in his task and cuts the torch, then lifts his goggles.

GUS  
Gotta have something to put presents under. I’m making a Christmas tree for the mess hall. What do you think?

They look at it. It mostly looks like a bunch of metal pipes and wires, but maybe it has some steampunky potential. They nod, hesitantly.

THOMAS  
Yeah, I can see it.

GUS  
Well, it’s not done yet.

He lowers the goggles and fires up the torch again. Thomas and Walsh back away to avoid the sparks.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. OBSERVATION DECK - DAY

Tink and Charming are sitting at a table near the large windows, having tea.

TINK  
Thanks for coming.

CHARMING  
No problem, what did you want to  
talk about?

TINK  
I got Stiltskin for the gift exchange.

Charming can guess where this is going, but he doesn’t interrupt.

TINK (CONT)  
I figured you know him best… I would ask  
him what kinds of things he likes, but  
he’d catch on in a second. It’s not like  
we’re close. Does he even celebrate a  
winter holiday?

CHARMING  
He does, actually. I don’t remember the  
name of it, but look into the computer  
archives on Gordon the Invincible, he’s  
the main deity of Stiltskin’s planet. A big  
winter holiday would likely involve him.

TINK  
Really? Hm. Well, whatever works.

Their comms beep.

HUNTER (V.O.)  
Officer Hunter to all _Aurora_ crew. There  
will be a holiday party slash gift brainstorming  
party in the mess hall in ten minutes.

A pause, then another beep.

HUNTER (V.O.) (CONT)  
There will be refreshments.

CHARMING  
(to Tink)  
There’s a good idea.

TINK  
Even if we still can’t come up with  
something, I do love a party.

CHARMING  
Win-win.

They clink teacups.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MESS HALL - DAY

REMY, _Aurora’s_ mess hall cook, is busily stirring a large punch bowl full of thick white liquid and sprinkling in cinnamon and nutmeg. Hunter dips in a mug and samples the drink.

REMY  
Well? What do you think? Does it  
say ‘holidays’?

HUNTER  
(smacks his lips)  
It’s getting there.

He takes a bottle of amber colored booze and upends it into the bowl.

HUNTER  
Thaaaaat’s better. Now it should say  
‘holidays.’ If this doesn’t inspire some  
gift-giving ideas, nothing will.

Remy samples the mix with a spoon, thoughtfully, then his eyes light up and he hurries over to a pantry.

REMY  
I know just the thing!

He returns and sets a jar next to the bowl then uses a shaker and shakes some ground cloves into the holiday drink.

REMY (CONT)  
A dash of ground cloves… and just  
to make things interesting…

He opens the jar and retrieves a dried green plant, which he crumbles up in his hands and rubs them together over the punchbowl.

HUNTER  
What’s that?

REMY  
Remember the away mission where  
everyone fell asleep in the middle of  
a big field of flowers?

Hunter’s eyes get big. Remy put THAT in the eggnog?

REMY (CONT)  
(laughs)  
No, don’t worry, if dried and used in  
small doses, the plant actually works to  
reduce anxiety. It basically just makes you  
feel relaxed and content.

HUNTER  
(nods)  
That actually sounds like a good  
idea. Where’d you get that?

REMY  
Dr Stiltskin provided me with the sample  
so that I could create more with the  
food replicator. Just don’t handle any  
heavy machinery after drinking it.

Hunter dips his mug again and tastes the mix. His eyes get big then drift closed. His cheeks get a little pink.

HUNTER  
Ohhhh…

REMY  
Good?

HUNTER  
I think you just impregnated my mouth.  
(drinks again)  
Remy, this is amazing! It’s like… if winter  
and sex had a brilliant, beautiful love  
child, this would be it, I mean--  
(beat)  
Remy?

The camera pans over to Remy, who is smelling his hands (because he crushed up the plant with them) with a blissful look on his face. He looks up, a bit dazed, his pupils huge.

REMY  
Wha?

Hunter grins. This could be a lot of fun.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LATER

Hunter is pouring glasses of eggnog for Leyah, Hook, Snow, Charming, Knight, Tink, and Arendelle. Gus enters with the weird metal tree-thing, assisted by Thomas and Walsh. Hunter looks up with a big pleased smile.

HUNTER  
Heyyyy! You did it!

The engineering crew sets up the tree and joins the rest of them at the punchbowl. The tree gets some odd looks, but no one says anything. They’ve all had to make do with what they have for the last four years, sometimes you just have to improvise and accept. For his part, Gus is proud of his contribution.

GUS  
One tree to put presents under, check.

HUNTER  
Well, grab a glass, we’re just getting started.

The crew, minus Stiltskin, clink glasses of eggnog together over the punch bowl. (Remy is in the kitchen, presumably making dinner, otherwise he’d have joined them.)

ALL  
Cheers!

They drink and basically all react the way Hunter did. The drink is like sex in your mouth. (Feel free to improv here.)

SNOW  
Whew! That’s strong!

LEYAH  
Ohhh, this brings back memories. I can’t  
believe it’s been four years since I last  
had any eggnog.

ARENDELLE  
I don’t think I’ve ever had eggnog like  
this before.

HUNTER  
It’s Remy, he’s a genius.

HOOK  
If he were really a genius, he’d have made  
this ages ago. Can I just put in my  
request now to have this every day?  
This is bloody fantastic.

HUNTER  
That might have something to do with the  
alcohol content.

Laughter. Tink looks around, notices someone is missing.

TINK  
Where’s the doc? He shouldn’t miss out  
on this.

GREENIE  
Ooh, shall I fetch him?

HUNTER  
Don’t bother. When I told him about the  
party, he said that Rumplurians abstain  
from alcohol during the winter  
holidays for religious reasons. Stiltskin  
would want to avoid a temptation like this.

He lifts his glass and takes another drink. Greenie is disappointed that the party won’t include Stiltskin and even more disappointed that she apparently won’t catch him drunk during the holidays either.

GREENIE  
No alcohol over the holidays? What a  
horrid religion.

KNIGHT  
I know I wouldn’t make it through  
Christmas with my family without a little  
liquid assistance.

More laughter. Hunter helps refill glasses with a ladle.

HUNTER  
Drink up! No doubt we could all use  
some inspiration.

Everyone eagerly takes him up on the refill. The happy music comes to an end as we slowly:

FADE TO BLACK.

A pause for effect.

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - DAY

The cuts are fast paced, but sharp-eyed watchers will see the clues.

BOOM. Wide shot of the mess hall. All is silent. The crew is passed out, mostly on the floor, but for Snow and Charming, who are curled up together on top of a table. It is now the next morning.

BOOM. Cut to a shot of the punchbowl. It has been drunk down to the dregs. Empty used glasses surround the bowl, along with the leavings of everything they ate last night.

BOOM. Cut to Hook, who looks like he has red lipstick smeared across his mouth.

BOOM. Cut to Snow and Charming, who both appear as though they might be topless, since Snow’s uniform top is draped like a blanket over both of them. (She is wearing a sports bra, so no, she is not really topless. But Charming is. Have fun with the lewd comments on Twitter, David.)

BOOM. Cut to Greenie, who is using Walsh as a pillow. Her lipstick is gone, her hair is a mess, her clothes are wrinkled from passing out in them and Walsh looks like he has a developing bruise on his forehead.

BOOM. Cut to a shot of a pile of garbage, it looks like the wrappers from candy and chips and just basically junk food that you eat when you’re drunk or stoned. (or both)

Leyah sits up from the middle of the pile of garbage, the wrappers falling off of her as she blearily looks around. She looks like she has the mother of all hangovers.

LEYAH  
(groggy)  
What happened?

BLACKOUT.

END OF ACT TWO

  


ACT THREE

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - A LITTLE LATER

The crew has now gathered at one of the long tables, all seated on either side. Most of them have their heads in their hands, groaning quietly in pain. Hook’s head is buried in his arms on the table. Snow has thrown her top back on, though she hasn’t quite mustered the brain capacity to make herself zip it up all the way, leaving Charming topless.

Hunter, much more quiet and subdued as he is hungover as well, plunks a container of what looks like very strong coffee onto a trivet in the middle of the table. He gets some groans of thanks in return.

He leans heavily on the back of a chair and sighs deeply.

HUNTER  
Does anyone remember what happened  
last night?

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Several fast paced and half out of focus cuts from last night of them laughing and dancing and drinking and binge eating.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

More groans.

THOMAS  
Thinking makes my brain hurt.

Greenie opens her mouth, but then stops when she almost barfs, and closes her eyes instead.

GREENIE  
I’m too hungover to respond to that.

HOOK  
What’s this on my arm?

Hook has lifted his head a bit. His sleeve is pushed up and ‘34B’ is written on his arm in wobbly black marker. A dim memory is sparked for Leyah and she pushes up her sleeve as well, groaning when she sees the same writing on her own arm.

LEYAH  
My bra size. You wrote it on me, too.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Fast shot of Leyah drunkenly laughing and Hook uncapping a marker with his teeth and writing on his arm.

HOOK  
(drunk)  
I need to write this down!

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

As before.

HOOK  
(remembering)  
Riiiiight… I didn’t want to forget.  
(beat)  
But why did I write it on your  
arm, too?

LEYAH  
You said it was very important.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Another fast shot of Hook writing on Leyah’s arm.

HOOK  
(still drunk)  
IssVERY impor’ant.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

As before. Hook’s head is back on the table. Hunter slumps into a seat and begins pouring himself a cup of coffee.

LEYAH  
Did you find Remy?

HUNTER  
He’s still asleep in the kitchen, but  
I moved him out of the pantry.  
(sips)  
I… think I had a good time last night.

KNIGHT  
How can you tell?

HUNTER  
I remember hugging.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Hunter hugging Gus. He pulls back to smile drunkenly at him.

HUNTER  
(happy drunk)  
You are great, you know that,  
man? You are just brilliant.

GUS  
(likewise)  
Yeah. Yeah, man. C’mere.

Big bro hugging moment.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

As before.

HUNTER  
Lots of hugging.

Hook lifts his head enough to half-glare at Hunter next to him.

HOOK  
If only we could all be the  
happy drunk.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Thomas is staring into space beside Hunter who is downing another glass of eggnog.

THOMAS  
(stoned)  
Maybe… it’s all a conspiracy. Maybe…  
we were sent out here on purpose.  
For a reason.

HUNTER  
Hey, I respect a conspiracy theorist, man.

Fist bump. Thomas keeps his fist up after the bump is over, he stares at it, fascinated.

THOMAS  
Fingernails, man… What the hell?

HUNTER  
I KNOW, right??

Next to them, Leyah and Arendelle are going through pre-packaged snacks, many of which have alien writing on them. Arendelle scoops some small red chips in both her hands.

ARENDELLE  
Hey, watch me!

She tosses the snacks in the air and opens her mouth to see if she catches any. Leyah laughs her ass off, way more than she should.

LEYAH  
Oh my gods, you are SO drunk right now!

ARENDELLE  
Shut up, you are WAY drunker than me!

Hook and Greenie move past the table with full cups of eggnog and the camera follows them.

GREENIE  
I’m telling you, he definitely died.  
He’s dead! It was ages ago!

HOOK  
No, no, I’m positive I would have  
remembered such a thing.

GREENIE  
Pfff, please. It’s my job to know  
these things.

HOOK  
Really? It’s not your job to wear  
really tight skirts? Because that seems  
to be the extent of your skills.

GREENIE  
Normally, I’d throw my drink at you,  
but this is too good to waste.  
(drinks)

HOOK  
I’ll drink to that.  
(drinks)

The camera moves past them to Snow, Charming, Tink, and Knight, who are sitting in a semi-circle on the floor near the ‘tree.’ Both Snow and Knight have appropriated a copper pot from the kitchen and are using them as improvised bongo drums, swaying back and forth in time to the ‘music.’

Tink is holding a spoon in her hand and looking at it hard. There’s another one on the floor, like someone was using them as drumsticks, but grew too uncoordinated to use them anymore.

TINK  
Like, I know it’s a spoon, because I’ve  
been taught it’s a spoon, but like, who  
first sat down and really looked at the  
thing and decided, ‘hey, this thing that  
we use to dig into our food with…  
it’s a spoon’?

KNIGHT  
That’s deep.

CHARMING  
(so stoned)  
We might all be spoons.

KNIGHT  
Whoa.

SNOW  
(looking at the fake tree)  
What if we’re all trees?

TINK  
Trees?

SNOW  
Yeah, and like, when we cry,  
it’s our leaves falling down.

CHARMING  
We only exist to be homes for birds.

SNOW  
We shouldn’t be such slaves to our  
technology. We should be more like  
trees. Like now… we’re off the grid,  
we’re so far off the grid… Couldn’t  
that be a good thing?

KNIGHT  
I feel ya. That is so deep.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

Back at the hangover table. Everyone is drinking their coffee now. Snow is thinking hard about the tree theory, wondering why it made such sense before.

SNOW  
I could have sworn I heard birds.

Hunter sets down a fresh pot of coffee and everyone sees to getting a refill. Snow rubs her face, trying to shake some thoughts loose.

SNOW (CONT)  
I think I remember… right before the  
drum circle, I was in the ladies’…  
just… looking at myself in the mirror.  
(looks down the table)  
And then Walsh comes in.

Walsh, who has been quiet up til now, lifts his head, startled.

WALSH  
What?

SNOW  
Yeah, you were all upset--

WALSH  
(remembering now)  
Oh, God…

SNOW  
\--crying about Miss Greenie--

WALSH  
I was not crying.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL BATHROOM - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Fast cut of Walsh entering the ladies’ bathroom, an utter wreck, and is totally crying.

WALSH  
\--I love her just so much and she  
doesn’t care, I’m just a fucktoy to her--

CUT TO:

Walsh crying in Snow’s arms, still making noises, but not understandable. Snow tries to be supportive, but she is still really high.

SNOW  
Shhhh, shhhh, it’s okay…

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

Hangover table. Everyone is looking at Walsh, who is studying the table as if fascinated. Snow continues her story in voiceover as we:

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL BATHROOM - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Snow and Walsh in the bathroom. Greenie enters and sees the two of them, makes a snide remark about interrupting something.

SNOW (V.O.)  
And then, Miss Greenie came in.  
(beat)  
I think I yelled at you.

CUT TO:

Snow and Greenie arguing, Snow saying Greenie has a lot of nerve for doing this to a grown man and Greenie saying he’s pathetic.

GREENIE (V.O.)  
I think I may possibly remember that…  
(beat)  
Did someone get hurt?

CUT TO:

Snow attempting to punch Greenie, but misses and hits Walsh instead. He falls backward, twisting with the punch, and falls through a lavatory stall door, hitting his forehead on a toilet.

SNOW (V.O.)  
...I’m not sure.  
(beat)  
I think Walsh fell down.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

Hangover table. Walsh is rubbing his bruised forehead.

WALSH  
No wonder my head hurts.

THOMAS  
You’re hungover, it’s not the  
only reason.

WALSH  
I’m gonna get some ice.

He gets up and ambles toward the kitchen. Miss Greenie also stands up and straightens her shirt as best she can, summoning some dignity for the walk of shame back to her quarters.

GREENIE  
I need a shower.  
(wrinkles her nose at the table)  
I would suggest the same for the  
rest of you. Soon.

She exits the mess hall.

CHARMING  
(to Snow)  
What happened after that?

SNOW  
Um… I think we were kind of disgusted  
about fighting over Walsh like that,  
so we kind of just… left him there.  
(at everyone’s look)  
We were really out of it, guys. Besides!  
He woke up! He’s fine!

Snow apparently doesn’t make great choices when drunk/stoned.

SNOW (CONT)  
(to Charming)  
Anyway, what happened to you? You  
were here, then you were gone for  
a long time, and then you came back  
with no shirt or shoes.

Charming has to think about it.

CHARMING  
Oh… Well, Hook asked me to play Drunk  
Toss, because Gus and Thomas were  
playing and Hook needed a partner.

TINK  
Ugh, that game is so unsanitary.  
Throwing a ball into a cup after  
its been touched by other people,  
been in other cups, bounced on the  
ground…  
(shudder)  
Please tell me you at least washed  
your balls.

HOOK  
(attempting his usual leer)  
I always wash my balls, luv.

LEYAH  
Please, Hook, no one is interested in  
your balls.

Hook appears disappointed.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Charming continues in voiceover. Fast shots of Hook and Charming’s game - tossing little balls across a table, cheering, bumping chests, and drinking, lots of drinking. Also a group hug with Gus and Thomas, with Hunter joining in at the last minute, wrapping his arms around all four guys.

CHARMING (V.O.)  
We won three games in a row… We just  
kept winning and winning and…  
(uncomfortable burp)  
…winning.

Miss Greenie walks by behind them, just as Hook scores a cup. In his drunken excitement, he grabs her and kisses her right on the mouth. She is surprised, but goes with it, throwing her arms around his neck, then fanning herself when the kiss is over. Her lipstick is now all over Hook’s mouth, as we saw when he woke up.

CHARMING (V.O.)  
Then we made a tower out of the  
empty eggnog cups.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

Hangover table. They all look over to a nearby table where it’s obvious some people were playing the futuristic version of Beer Pong with eggnog. The cups they had used are stacked in a precarious-looking tower. No one knows how it managed to stay standing all night.

CHARMING  
And… then I had to pee really badly,  
but the lavatory in here was full…  
so I found another bathroom.

He’s really starting to remember what happened and he closes his eyes, wincing in embarrassment, and covers his face with a hand.

CHARMING (CONT)  
Oh, no…

SNOW  
(oh gods what did you do?)  
What.

CUT TO:

INT. DIM BATHROOM - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Close on Charming in a dim bathroom stall. He scratches at his clothes and appears uncomfortable, so he starts undressing.

CHARMING (V.O.)  
I was really hot and all sweaty from  
the game, my clothes felt all itchy,  
so I took them off to use the bathroom.  
And… I guess I forgot to put them back on.

He exits the bathroom (naked) and pauses.

CHARMING (V.O.) (CONT)  
Then I realized the bathroom I’d found  
was in Hook’s captain’s quarters.

CUT TO:

INT. CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

The camera cuts to over Charming’s shoulder. Hook is sitting on his bed with his back to Charming. His pants unzipped and there is VERY little left to the imagination as to what he’s doing. Hook looks over at Charming. His mouth is still smeared with red lipstick.

HOOK  
D’you mind?

Charming books it out of the room.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

Hangover table. Leyah is staring at Hook, obviously thinking that Hook’s impromptu wank session was because of his kiss with Miss Greenie. Hook is looking anywhere but at Leyah. He surreptitiously wipes lipstick from his face.

CHARMING  
I managed to grab some pants on my  
way out… They’re probably yours, Hook.  
How do you even manage to walk in pants  
this tight?

HOOK  
Practice.

Snow leans back to attempt to get a better look at Charming in Hook’s pants.

SNOW  
Huh. I thought your butt looked even  
cuter for some reason.

CHARMING  
Thanks for sharing your shirt.

SNOW  
Well… It wasn’t that great of a blanket.

Reminded, she zips her top up a little more.

THOMAS  
Oh, no…

Everyone looks at him. He is looking at his smarter phone, then looks at the group in horror.

THOMAS (CONT)  
I sent a message to Ella last night.

TINK  
Your girl back home? So?

He gives her a ‘seriously are you kidding’ me look. She gets it.

TINK (CONT)  
Oh… it was one of those messages.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Thomas is lying on the floor on his stomach with his phone to his ear while everyone else is dancing in the background to music that’s being plugged through from the holodeck. He has a stupidly drunk grin on his face.

THOMAS  
(verrrrry drunk)  
Heyyyyyy pretty girlllll… it’s crazy how  
much I miss you, I miss you all the way  
from the tippy top of your head to your  
teeny tiny little feet with your itty bitty  
little toesies. I just wanna smell your  
hair right now, I just, I need your  
smell in my nose--

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

Hangover table. Thomas has his head in his hands.

THOMAS  
It got worse. Much, much worse.

HUNTER  
Well… she won’t receive the message  
until we’re closer to home, that’s…  
something? Isn’t it?

Thomas doesn’t think so. He gets up and heads for the kitchen.

THOMAS  
I’m gonna see what’s keeping Walsh.

Meanwhile, Arendelle has her hand up her top and is frowning.

ARENDELLE  
My naval is sticky. Why is my  
naval sticky?

Everyone is instantly checking their own belly buttons.

CHARMING  
So’s mine.  
(pause)  
Did we do… body shots last night?

ARENDELLE  
(grossed out)  
Augh, who did body shots off me?

Everyone is silent. They don’t remember this part very well.

KNIGHT  
I remember… a dance party. I think.

GUS  
Yeah. You tried to do the worm and  
passed out.

KNIGHT  
Oh.

LEYAH  
(to Arendelle)  
Yeah, and you tripped over him.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Charming and Leyah helping Arendelle to her feet amid the rest of them dancing (except for Knight, who is happily snoozing away on the floor on his stomach).

ARENDELLE  
I’m fine, I’m fiiiiine, booze never  
bothers me.

They let go and she falls down again. A second later her hand comes back up into the frame.

ARENDELLE (CONT)  
(from the floor)  
I’m okay!

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

Hangover table.

ARENDELLE (CONT)  
I wasn’t okay.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL KITCHEN - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Leyah and Charming enter the kitchen with Arendelle propped up between them.

ARENDELLE  
I’m tellin’ you, it’s jusss a lil bruise.  
I don’t need to see Shtilt-- Shtiltshkin,  
I promise.

LEYAH  
Okay, but we’re at least gonna  
get you some ice.

Charming helps Arendelle up onto a counter while Leyah goes in search of ice. She passes the pantry, where Remy is asleep amid the vegetables. She thoughtfully looks at the bottle of booze his arms are wrapped around, then grins.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

Hangover table. Leyah looks a bit sheepish.

LEYAH  
I think we ended up doing body  
shots in the kitchen while icing  
your knee.

An awkward pause.

KNIGHT  
Guess I didn’t win the dance battle, then.

HUNTER  
Mm. No. But it was probably a near thing.

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - LAST NIGHT’S PARTY

Another series of fast shots from the night before, even more fast paced, some out of focus, close ups that are too close, eating junk food, more drinking, laughter that’s too loud, dancing at a frenetic pace with the room all dim and then -

CUT TO:

Silence as the shot changes to a cut of the mess hall once everyone’s passed out, similar to the opening shot before everyone woke up.

After a moment, the mess hall doors open and Stiltskin walks in, intent on getting his morning coffee. He stops short and looks around at the mess and the crew, then puts his hands in the air, pivots on his heel, and walks right back out again. No way he’s dealing with that mess.

BLACKOUT.

END OF ACT THREE

  


ACT FOUR

FADE IN:

INT. MESS HALL - PRESENT

They are all rather despondent, none more so than Hunter, pondering where their night of revelry went wrong.

HUNTER  
I guess it wasn’t much of a gift  
brainstorming party.

Hook puts an arm around Hunter.

HOOK  
Aww, don’t be down on yourself, mate.  
It wasn’t a total loss.

Hunter cheers up a little.

HUNTER  
It was still a pretty good holiday party,  
wasn’t it?

HOOK  
No, I mean, I still got my present sorted.

He shows his other arm, the one that reads ‘34B.’ Leyah rolls her eyes.

LEYAH  
Ugh. If I didn’t need this coffee right  
now, you’d be wearing it.

HOOK  
(offended)  
What’s with women always wanting  
to throw their drinks at me?

LEYAH  
(sarcastic)  
I have no idea.

She gets up.

LEYAH (CONT)  
Now Thomas’s disappeared.

She heads for the kitchen. Hook deflates a little once she’s out of sight.

HOOK  
What the hell’s wrong with me.

That gets the remaining people’s attention.

HOOK (CONT)  
I can’t ever manage to say the right  
thing around that woman.

They might be hungover, but the feeling of shared misery plus the camaraderie from last night prompts the crew sitting at the table to give Hook some advice for once.

ARENDELLE  
Maybe if you stopped with the act and  
actually let her get to know you, you’d  
stop saying the wrong things.

TINK  
She’s right, captain. If you don’t get  
serious about her, she’ll never get serious  
with you.

HOOK  
I am being serious!

General scoffing and sounds of disbelief from everyone else.

SNOW  
Like this gift business. That’s what you  
call ‘serious’?

HOOK  
(squirming a bit)  
I thought women liked getting lingerie.

SNOW  
Sometimes we do, but generally from men  
we’re already with. It’s a pretty intimate  
gift. And you can’t force the intimacy  
by giving it to her before there’s any  
kind of trusting relationship between you.

Tink and Arendelle nod, agreeing with Snow. Hook looks a little lost. He’s never considered these things before.

HOOK  
Alright… then what do I give her?

CHARMING  
It should be personal, something that  
sparks her interest or something she  
really cares about.

GUS  
Meaningful.

KNIGHT  
If you were Leyah, what would you want?

Hook is silent, appearing more thoughtful than we’ve ever seen him. Hook from four years ago would never have taken advice from other people, but now he is listening. He trusts his crewmates.

The doors to the kitchen open and Leyah reemerges, carrying with her a stack of plates and a large pitcher of water. Walsh, Thomas, and Remy follow her, each carrying a steamer pan of bacon, eggs, and pancakes. (Remy had talked Walsh and Thomas into helping him with breakfast.)

REMY  
The best cure for a hangover - Bacon with  
a side of bacon.

Everyone suddenly realizes how starving they are. They exclaim happily as the men set the pans down on the table and begin passing plates around. Only Hook is more subdued and appears preoccupied while he helps himself to breakfast.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. _AURORA BOREALIS_ CORRIDOR - NIGHT

Hook is leading the way down the corridor at a fast clip, Leyah follows him with an air of suspicion.

LEYAH  
Why are we running? And why does the fact  
that you have to take me to my present  
instead of the other way around worry me?

HOOK  
Relax, you’ll like this, I promise.

He comes to a stop outside of a particular door. Leyah looks at it with even more suspicion.

LEYAH  
The holodeck?

It’s clear from her tone that she really means “This better not be some weird sex thing.” Hook doesn’t even flinch.

HOOK  
Your gift is inside.

He gestures to the door, letting her do the honors. She’s still not sure about this, but she presses her hand to the panel and the doors open.

CUT TO:

Shot over Leyah’s shoulder. Inside is the familiar gridded room, with one difference. There is a figure standing in the middle of the room, a young boy with dark hair. He turns and Leyah gasps to see HENRY smiling at her.

HENRY  
Mom!

But she is horrified, her expression incredibly vulnerable, and she is holding in tears as she quickly presses her hand to the panel again, making the doors shut.

HOOK  
(confused by her reaction)  
No, wait, he’s--

Leyah doesn’t let him explain, she cracks him one across his face with an open palm, her face red with fury, but also embarrassment because she doesn’t want anyone to see her in her weak moments.

HOOK (CONT)  
(is struck)  
AUGH!

LEYAH  
(tightly)  
How dare you. Making a program of  
my son? You thought this would  
make me happy? How can it when  
I know he’s just an image?

Hook rubs his cheek and patiently explains:

HOOK  
But he isn’t, luv. Not exactly.

LEYAH  
What are you talking about?

HOOK  
No, he’s not really here, but it isn’t  
a holoprogram. His image is being  
projected live from the Force Base  
Holosimulator.

LEYAH  
But… non-personnel aren’t allowed  
to use the Simulator.

HOOK  
Yeeeeeah… So, your gift may not entirely  
be 100% legal, but…

He gives her one of his meaningful looks, the one that says ‘I’m an ass sometimes, but I’m your ass.’

HOOK (CONT)  
I figured seeing Henry was the only  
present you really wanted. So I asked  
Tink get in contact with Nova and she  
snuck Henry into the Simulator. They  
don’t have long, however, someone  
could notice them--

Leyah doesn’t need any further explanation, she’s already got her hand on the panel and she flies into the holodeck as soon as the doors open. Hook remains in the hallway, he knows better than to intrude.

CUT TO:

INT. HOLODECK - IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING

Henry appears confused when the doors open back up and Leyah rushes in, but his smile reappears when she falls to her knees and wraps him in a desperate hug. The tears that were in her eyes when she smacked Hook fall down her cheeks.

HENRY  
Mom.

LEYAH  
Henry. Oh, I miss you so much,  
I can’t believe you’re here…  
(she sniffs)  
Well, not here here, but--

HENRY  
Yeah. I miss you too.

After a moment, he laughs a bit and she pulls back, sitting on her heels, to look at him.

LEYAH  
What?

HENRY  
It’s stupid, but… well, I can hug  
hologram-you and know it’s really  
you hugging me, but you don’t  
smell like you.

Leyah is startled into laughing with him, because it is a little silly, but at the same time, she knows exactly what he means.

LEYAH  
Yeah? What do I smell like?

HENRY  
That lotion you always put on  
every night. Are you drying up  
without it?

LEYAH  
(laughs again)  
Oh, totally. I’ll look like a prune  
by the time I make it home.

HENRY  
There’s something I need to tell you.  
(beat)  
Nova’s been helping me snoop  
around the base.

LEYAH  
(instantly concerned)  
Henry, you shouldn’t be sneaking  
around--

HENRY  
(speaking over her)  
And we think that the wormhole  
wasn’t an accident.

LEYAH  
(startled)  
What?

HENRY  
We don’t think the surge protectors  
were left out of the design, we think  
someone removed them from the  
plans before they were sent out to  
the construction crew. We found an  
earlier version of the blueprints and--

He pauses and urgently looks off to the side, appearing to be listening to someone who is not being projected, presumably Nova.

HENRY (CONT)  
Mom, I gotta go, but we’re gonna  
help get you home, I promise.

LEYAH  
No, Henry, wait--

HENRY  
I love you, mom!

LEYAH  
I love you, too…

Just as the last word is spoken, Henry’s image fades, leaving Leyah on the floor of the holodeck, alone. She sniffs and wipes her eyes, trying to regain some sort of decorum, but these few minutes meant so much to her, her heart is cracked wide open.

She gets to her feet and goes back to the doors, pressing the panel to open them.

CUT TO:

INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT

She goes back into the corridor where Hook is still waiting, not looking impatient at all, just watching and assessing where Leyah’s head is at after what was surely an emotional sort-of reunion. She looks drained, but at the same time, grateful.

HOOK  
Alright, luv?

She doesn’t speak for a moment, when she does, her voice is quiet.

LEYAH  
He’s gotten taller. He’s a teenager now.  
(beat, looks up at Hook)  
I can’t believe you did that for me. If  
someone finds out, you could be demoted  
from captain, at best. Court Marshaled at worst.

She is kind of in awe. She thought that Hook’s status meant everything to him and the fact that he would risk it all for her, just to give her a few moments with Henry - it means a lot and she is touched. Hook smiles, absolutely genuine as he says:

HOOK  
It would be worth it.

Leyah shakes her head at him, amazed.

LEYAH  
You’ve changed.

HOOK  
I have?

LEYAH  
Yeah. The man I met four years ago  
would have completely blown off  
getting someone a holiday gift, or  
made good on his threats of lingerie.

Hook has the good grace to look mildly embarrassed over his earlier behavior regarding the gift giving.

LEYAH (CONT)  
Instead, you gave me something no  
one else could. A hug from my son.  
(beat, deeply grateful)  
Thank you.

HOOK  
If I’ve changed, it’s because of you,  
Leyah. You make me want to be  
a better man. I like who I am when  
I’m with you.

LEYAH  
I like this-you, too. He’s a good guy.

And finally, FINALLY, after all this time of Hook going from kind of smarmy with no idea what he was doing to someone who actually cares about his crew, Leyah moves into his personal space and kisses him. She doesn’t let it go too far, they are still in a public corridor, but there is a lot of passion in this moment.

When she breaks the kiss, Hook is smiling like an idiot, keeping his arms around her so she can’t back off too far.

HOOK  
Does this mean I finally get to  
call you ‘luv’?

LEYAH  
You never stopped calling me ‘luv’!

HOOK  
(chuckles)  
Fair point, but now can I do it without  
catching flack?

LEYAH  
(laughs with him)  
I suppose.

He kisses her this time.

FADE TO:

INT. _AURORA BOREALIS_ VARIOUS AREAS - Night

Montage of shots with the other members of the crew exchanging their gifts. Over this, blocking any dialogue, is a stylized instrumental rendition of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” Think - Norman Rockwell meets Thomas Kinkade in space.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MESS HALL - NIGHT

Around the ‘tree’: Arendelle gives Hunter a huge plate of cookies, apparently his favorite as he exclaims in delight and grabs one, taking a huge bite. She points above them and he looks up to see that someone has skewered a piece of paper to the end of one of the ‘branches’ they are sitting under. On the paper, a sprig of mistletoe has been drawn, with the caption “I’m mistletoe. You know what to do.” He can’t say anything with his mouth full of cookie, so Arendelle goes ahead and kisses him on the cheek. Hunter is stunned and dribbles on his shirt a little. (For the Frozen Hunter shippers, merry christmas.)

Around the ‘tree’: Hunter gives Walsh and Chistery matching sweaters (yes, he knits when he has downtime), which Walsh pretends to be annoyed about, but he actually loves them and puts them on immediately. Chistery appears to like the sweaters too, because now it looks like he and Walsh have the same ‘pelt.’ (For the Monkey Wrench shippers, those extra creative types, merry christmas.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. GREENIE’S QUARTERS - NIGHT

Walsh gives Greenie a hand-done portrait of her, a tasteful but sexy boudoir painting with Greenie wrapped in a fur blanket. Greenie is actually touched and proceeds to give Walsh his present by helping him get out of the sweater. As we pan away from them getting busy, Chistery bounces up and down on the dresser he’s perched on, hissing at Greenie, but he is largely ignored. (For the Green Wrench shippers, can’t leave them out either, merry christmas.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS - NIGHT

Greenie was supposed to give something to Hook, but obviously, she blew it off. Hook ends up not caring because he manages to secure another kiss with Leyah in the Captain’s Quarters, this one getting a bit more heated since they’re alone. (For the Hookah aka Hook x Leyah shippers. YOU’RE CANON NOW, BITCHES. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MESS HALL - NIGHT

Around the ‘tree’: Leyah gives Tink a pair of green slippers with little white puff balls on the toes. Tink adores them instantly and begins gushing over how cute the little puff balls are. (For the ComCom broTPers aka Commander and Communications or Leyah & Tink friendshippers, merry christmas.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BRIDGE - NIGHT

Stiltskin passes by Arendelle’s station and abruptly drops off a corked beaker full of light blue liquid without saying anything and he leaves before she can ask him about it. She looks at the beaker. A label is on the side and looping handwriting says ‘Crocus,’ as in the flower. So she opens it, curious. A flurry of silver sparkles emits from the beaker and the smell is apparently quite lovely, since she dips her finger into the liquid and puts some of it behind her ears. (For the Frozen Doctor or CrocDoc shippers. I can see it in an AU maybe. Merry christmas.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MED BAY - NIGHT

Tink gives Stiltskin a clear glass ornament and when he touches it, a holographic image of Gordon the Invincible, a fire-breathing warthog, appears. She looks nervous, but Stiltskin is actually delighted that Tink learned enough about his culture to give him this gift. In a rare moment of camaraderie, he begins talking about Gordon with hand gestures and Tink looks fascinated. (For the DocCom shippers aka Doctor and Communications or Tinkskin. Merry christmas, they’re actually in a scene together.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MESS HALL - NIGHT

Around the ‘tree’: Gus has made what looks like wall art out of scrap metal and a blow torch for Knight. It looks like a running horse. Knight hangs it in his quarters and looks at it with nostalgia. (Have I just created a new ship? ...merry christmas?)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ENGINEERING - NIGHT

Knight gives Thomas a custom tool that looks like a space version of a Swiss army knife. It looks super useful and he appreciates it. He pats the warp core station near him, as if to say that their lady will appreciate it too. (Yeah, for the TomShippers, meaning Thomas and the actual ship, the _Aurora._ I’ve learned a lot of things about data ports. Merry christmas.)

Thomas dons a pair of gloves and uses a set of long metal tongs to pull what looks like a bottle of moonshine out of the middle of the warp core innards then gives it to Gus. Gus looks a little apprehensive (this stuff looks POTENT), but impressed that Thomas managed to make his own booze out here in space, fermented in a space ship’s warp core. (For the TomGusShippers or TomShipSupervisors aka the Gus x Thomas x _Aurora_ OT3 shippers. Because you and your husband can also love a beautiful spaceship. Merry christmas.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MESS HALL - NIGHT

The crew gathers together in the mess hall for dinner. Remy has outdone himself with the meal and the atmosphere is actually pretty joyous as they make jokes and tell stories of home and holidays remembered.

Leyah looks around, sees Stiltskin sitting by himself with a glass of clear liquid, looking alone and melancholy.

She sits at the table next to him and points at the glass. He shakes his head and refills the glass from a pitcher of water. She smiles, proud of him for sticking to his religious practice and not giving in to booze while he’s obviously missing his wife. (Of course, he could also be avoiding alcohol after what happened to everyone else with the spiked eggnog.)

She bumps his shoulder with her own and he gives her a look of grudging admiration before offering his glass for a clink. (For the ComSkin shippers. The Leyah & Stiltskin broTP is going strong. Merry Christmas.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. STILTSKIN’S QUARTERS - NIGHT

Later, Stiltskin is in his quarters, sitting before a low table on a pillow. On the table are two candles and an incense burner, very traditional, very old school. Near the burner is a tiny carved figurine of Gordon the Invincible. He places Tink’s gift next to it, then reaches for his satchel.

From the satchel, he removes his “Safe Place” dish, taken from the locked desk in med bay, and places it carefully in the middle of the table. He removes his ring, gives it a little kiss, and places it in the dish, honoring his wife in her absence. He then proceeds to meditate. (For the LaceSkin shippers. They’re canon too, obviously. Merry christmas.)

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SNOW’S QUARTERS - NIGHT

(And of course, the Snowing shippers. Merry christmas, it’s really happening.) Snow and Charming are exchanging presents privately in Snow’s quarters. He gives her an actual book, not a tablet, but something with actual pages, well loved and dog-eared. She opens it and we see very detailed pictures of birds. She loves it.

She hands him a familiar-looking small velvet box. When he opens it, inside is the ring with the green stone that he told her to keep in the pilot. He is surprised when she holds out her hand to him, then almost breaks down as he puts it on her finger. He wraps her in his arms, so happy. The music ends as we:

FADE TO BLACK.

ROLL CREDITS.

FADE IN:

INT. MEDBAY - DAY

All is quiet as Stiltskin walks tiredly into the medbay at the start of a new day and flicks on the lights.

The portrait of Miss Greenie is sitting, propped up, on one of the exam tables. It has a big pink bow at one corner. A large tag reads ‘Kisses, Verdie,’ but this doesn’t have to be featured.

Stiltskin, being caught unaware, shrieks as he jumps in the air and actually falls backward onto the floor, arms flailing. (This was actually a prank set up by Cara, Rum hadn’t known the portrait was going to be there.)

BLACKOUT.

END OF EPISODE.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this one, it has some of my favorite moments I've ever written in it. I hope I made you laugh. When I started writing this one, here's what I initially wrote at the top:
> 
> “When it was decided that Star Force would end with the conclusion of the 4th season, Mary Margaret was disappointed that the show would only have 88 episodes, because Leo and Aurelius had talked about the possibility of a musical episode for the 100th. (Only MM was really excited about it, Rum outright refused to sing if such an episode came to pass.) So the writers threw MM a bone with the opening to the Christmas Special in the 4th season.”


End file.
